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I'm starting to whhite worried. My daughter is getting married in June, and they say that there is supposed to be a father-daughter dance.

I am petrified. Thank goodness she got my wife's genes, so she is drop-dead gorgeous and really won't need any help during the wedding.

But hey, I don't want to drag her down. She sent me a YouTube video showing me what I'm supposed to do.

Holy cow. Maybe if Michael Jackson returns from the dead and personally tutors me starting now until the day before maybe, just maybe, I won't drag her down.

You have no idea how much this stresses me out. Tall white guys are not supposed to dance! Another rule for tall white guys is: I like to think about the three F's: Don't flail.

Don't fall. And don't fart. So of course I go to yoga.

If you find yourself in my yoga class, whatever you do, keep your eyes closed! As my teacher reminds us, yoga meets us where we are.

There is no way I can do any of the poses, but I remind myself, don't flail. If something hurts, go to child's pose.

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I love child's pose! I spend half the class there.

Mann when I get stupid and think I can keep up with the dancers and lithe yoghinis in mman room and I start to flail, I remember rule No. Lots of things in yoga involve balancing stuff. Most of the time I have some tiny little thing on either side of me that Tall white man looking to go down goes a buck ten and I just think Involuntary manslaughter. At this point all my classmates are up to speed and everyone gives me a pretty wide berth.

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Let's face it. The third F is kind of obvious but at my age not farting is not easy! This is a small town.

I know most of my classmates. You have no idea of the stress!

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All else being equal, it is not easy being a tall white guy. But I don't want anybody feeling sorry for me.

Life is good. I married up and my son is home and happy.

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Completely sane women will sometimes agree to dance with me. We must identify and treat sociopaths at earlier ages to fend off violence.

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